BEARER OF KUNDALINI: PART 1

The following narrative is the last 9 chapters of the book “unSpiritual: A Spiritual Journey “. It is being published here (link to next chapter at bottom) for those who would like to read, exclusively, Zzenn’s kundalini “Stairway to Heaven” narrative without the back story. Refer to the original volume for the whole story and all 19 Insight Keys.

The Entire Book – unSpiritual: A Spiritual Journey $16.95

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Chapter 24

BEARER OF KUNDALINI – PART 1

And if you listen very hard, the tune will come to you at last.

― Led Zeppelin IV (1971) ―

I would like to put into perspective the following narrative. I have been asked what led to the Kundalini release and the answer to that question isn’t so simple. It’s not like I can say I did yoga for many years or sat under a sadhu in an ashram. The specifics of my experience extend into childhood and specific realizations and actions that occurred along the way; the preparation, conditions and timing was right.

It could be assumed that I suffer from an over-active imagination. I would like to suggest that that idea is a psychological meme inherited from centuries of shame and intimidation toward children and adults. I assert the following narrates the activities of a conscious, living Bio-Imagination. Not at any time did I get confused between the Bio-Imagination and the external world even though I could see the projections of the unconscious interacting in the environment. I think it’s important to understand that one of the functions of the Bio-Imagination is to color the world, just like an artist, and make life truly delicious without getting lost in one’s creations. There is real Magick here.

The Kundalini experience is a phenomenon rooted deep in the DNA of mankind. Because it has been known to cause insanity and even suicide, the system of yoga was developed over eons to adapt the nervous system to the serpent current; that being a fancy name for the movement of feeling through the body. I ask the reader to consider the word “bearing” in its full implication to better understand the brevity of the experience.

I share this story from a place of utter humility and respect for all those who have and will experience this human metamorphosis. It is a fire only those who have felt can respect. It lives hidden within even the most ardent skeptic. I don’t believe everyone who has this experience will mirror the intensity of mine. Yoga practice and steady psychological work will indeed make the process more gradual by integrating the transformation over time. However, I can’t predict when the energy will release in the sacrum or if it ever will in a person. I felt making my experience public would shed light on this obscure human metamorphosis; hopefully making it more approachable and possibly easier to navigate. It most definitely needs to be taken out of spiritual obscurity.

I would like to add that my affinity for the works of Austin Osman Spare came after the Kundalini experience mostly due to finding a picture he drew almost a hundred years earlier that visually defined the metamorphosis precisely as I experienced it. There are unmistakable details in that painting. (Photo gallery at unspirituality.com)

The following nine parts of this book is an accurate account of my Kundalini experience over a five week period. The main narrative, covering the biological metamorphosis, happened during a ten day peak.

Let the story commence . . .

For about nine months I courted a Martin guitar at a music store. My budget for acoustic guitars usually didn’t exceed five hundred dollars as my style of playing was rough and I got what I needed from the sound. However, on this occasion, I picked up the guitar and felt something I had never felt ― this guitar was mine. She was over eight hundred dollars and no matter how many times I visited the store, that feeling didn’t change.

Attention to the author gig was redirected to the study of Magick and music. I use the Crowley spelling of the word (Magick) to separate the meaning from stage magic.

After I bought the guitar the tide of music came in and I started creating sound concoctions ― something was stirring. The muse had returned, gently wooing me through the flute sounds of feeling. This guitar was a magical talisman activating the sonic sorcerer within.

The Current activated and I could feel my breathing changing. The shamanic sound I had performed over a decade earlier had returned, but this time it wanted more. Song potions were mixed using all the spices of major, minor and interval notes. Vocal expressions sounded like invocations from an ancient realm. Was the Mother being invoked once again?

Mysteriously, a shaman friend, Rion Hunter, who played the djembe drum behind my music performances just prior to the smashing of the guitar incident, asked to assist me with irrigation repairs. Amongst locals, he was an icon in Sedona and a true devotee of the path of the heart. He wrote a small book entitled “I Am Man” many years earlier that strangely mirrored some of my human revelations. Our time together was full of delicious occult meanderings and future speculations. His warm presence nurtured the muse. After work we spent a number of afternoons playing together like old times.

When the muse arrives there’s a sense of direction (true will) that occurs. Significant memories and items of interest that stir psycho-emotional energy (goosebumps, tension, tears, fears, laughter, etc.) are brought into the circle. I abruptly started singing songs over and over from an artist named Keith Green who was a huge influence in my Christian years. He was considered a prophet by many. His music shook the Christian community to the core calling believers off their proverbial church pews out to the missionary fields. I remembered the flow of the Holy Spirit as I listened to the passion in his voice, song after song, during the YWAM years. It started singing “Your Love Broke Through”14 hourly.

Like waking up from the longest dream, how real it seemed
Until your love broke through
I’ve been lost in a fantasy; that blinded me
Until your love broke through
These four lines blended into the song “Rushing Wind.”
Rushing wind blow through this temple
Blowing out the dust within
Come and breathe your breath upon me
I’ve been born again
Holy Spirit, I surrender
Take me where you want to go
Plant me by your living waters
Plant me deep so I can grow

Culminating, one afternoon on the job site with Rion, where I broke into tears listening to “Make My Life a Prayer to You.”

Make my life a prayer to You
I wanna do what You want me to
No empty words and no white lies
No token prayers no compromise
Well I wanna thank You now for being patient with me
Oh it’s so hard to see, when my eyes are on me
I guess I’ll have the trust and just believe what You say
Oh You’re coming again, You’re coming to take me away

Something broke inside, a damn of tenderness from long ago poured from my heart as the words ‘make my life a prayer to you, I wanna do what you want me to’ flowed throughout my body. I played the song again and the words ‘no compromise’ echoed in the chambers of my soul. I was trying to appear as normal checking to see if my client was in the house so not to alarm her with my tears. I had been an undercover Magickian for years posing as an irrigation repair man. Even so, my customers were satisfied.

I felt to play the song again and when I heard the words ‘Oh You’re coming again, you’re coming to take me away’ instantly, a revelation unfolded.

I saw that Christ represented the Child within. This Pan or Harpocrates (adapted by the Greeks from the Egyptian child god Horus. To the Egyptians, Horus represented the newborn Sun, rising each day at dawn) was the mythical image of the Inner Child within humanity emerging collectively at this juncture in our evolution. The Son of God was truly the Inner Child of the humans who projected their divinity onto the screen of mythology. I knew at that moment who Christ in me actually is within every human being ― the Inner Child trapped within the construct of childhood. The resurrection was about the Inner Child rising from the hell or prison of the unconscious. The true will or authentic self, glorified, in the heaven of consciousness.

Weeks earlier, I had stumbled across an author who revealed the matrix of childhood trauma. I had read a lot of books on the subject but no one had ever exposed the construct of abuse like her.

Alice Miller was a Swiss psychologist who specialized in the effects of faulty parenting. She called it poisonous pedagogy. Her views on the consequences of child abuse became highly influential and controversial in the psychology community due to her rejection of traditional psychoanalysis. She claimed that the effects of faulty child rearing, still existent in psychologists, tainted the effectiveness of their work; and thus, the progress of their clients. Her views got attacked for all the right reasons ― she hit the nail on the head.

I had an existential experience when I read her work. For over two decades I searched through religion, metaphysics and psychology to uncover the root cause of humanities plight. Because of a lifelong obsession with war, specifically Nazi Germany, I had recently purchased The Drowned and the Saved by Primo Levi. It is a firsthand recount of the moral collapse that occurred in Auschwitz and the fallibility of human memory that allows such atrocities to recur.

It was Levi’s book that led me to the shores of Millers book, For Your Own Good. Here is an excerpt from the Amazon description:

Miller investigates the personal stories and case histories of various self-destructive and/or violent individuals to expand on her theories about the long-term effects of abusive child-rearing. Her conclusions ― on what sort of parenting can create a drug addict, or a murderer, or a Hitler ― offer much insight, and make a good deal of sense, while also straying far from psychoanalytic dogma about human nature, which Miller vehemently rejects.

This important study paints a shocking picture of the violent world ― indeed, of the ever-more-violent world ― that each generation helps to create when traditional upbringing, with its hidden cruelty, is perpetuated. The book also presents readers with useful solutions in this regard ― namely, to resensitize the victimized child who has been trapped within the adult, and to unlock the emotional life that has been frozen in repression. 15

She introduces the term Poisonous Pedagogy (from the original German name Schwarze Pädagogik) which is a psychological and sociological term describing a subset of traditional child-raising methods which modern sociologists and psychologists describe as repressive and harmful. It involves the repression of emotion and imagination with a top down form of obedience enforcement. The effects of this method can be as subtle as a dismissive attitude toward a child’s feelings. The most revealing part for me was how the effects of faulty child rearing persists in the adult, in fact, possesses the adult.

“Poisonous pedagogy,” is described by these theorists as what happens when a parent (or teacher, nurse, or other caregiver) believes that a young child’s behavior demonstrates that the child is infected with the “seeds of evil”, and therefore attempts to weed out the evil, either by emotional manipulation or by brute force. Simple examples include the beating of children as punishment for lying, or mothers who refuse to feed their newborn until a set time, in order to “teach him patience, which will be useful for him in later life.”16

Upon further reflection, I realized that even in the most loving pedagogical environment, the cocoon of childhood must eventually give way to the birth of the adult. This right-of-passage requires the metaphorical death of the God, that being the parents. No one gets out alive even if their parents are their heroes or best friends ― it is the “image’ that must be transcended.

Next, I came across a book entitled The History of Childhood by Lloyd DeMause.17 I learned that the further back you go in history, the worst the child abuse gets. It was one of only a handful of books on the subject. I thought it was really strange that little was written on the history of childhood. One would think that the history of children would be on the forefront of mankind’s radar since they are the future of the world.

“The son becomes the father and the daughter the mother”

Conspiracy theories spawned when I thought of all the religious and spiritual writings around the world. Was the spiritual story a cover up for the real story? ― the shamed Bio-Imagination of human children?

Humans, like all animals and plants, have an almost infinite reproductive potential. More babies have been born than society could provide room or employment for. Hence the wide spread practice of infanticide in one form or another, the chief victims always being the female infants who eventually produce yet more souls. Hence probably also the notion, prevalent at least in the Christian world, that sex relations were sinful and that the resultant offspring was, from the moment of birth, evil.

― from the forward in The History of Childhood

It seemed only rational to look at the small primates to understand the big ones, especially what they were taught and how they were treated; and what exactly is the inner world of the human primate? How does it affect the world at large? This was the perfect lens to observe the consciousness of mankind.

The stories of baby messiah’s raced across my mind. If the further back you go in history the worse the child abuse gets, then it only makes sense that mankind made messiahs out of those few mutants who fully grew into their inner self. This brought more insight to the table of religion and spirituality, raising the eyebrow higher on past lives and other dimensions and narrowing the focus on this life and inner dimensions.

The spirit of all religions is actually the feelings that lead to the experience of the Inner Child. The consciousness of the programmed individual is the servant of the Lord or lower self of the I Am presence. Once the image of the “God Complex” is transcended, the Inner Child or “human soul” is born.

“Remember: your Soul is your nearest and the bringer of all good things. Your God is stone deaf.”

― The Zoëtic Grimoire of Zos ―

The path through Christianity and spirituality was revealed as a lifelong organic birthing process to heal my childhood. It was if this person Christopher, had been protecting a child from the psychic violence inherent in the world, thus, allowing it to grow. The goosebumps signaled these growing spurts and Alice Millers work swung the doors wide open. The more I read her work, the more truth reverberated throughout my entire time track (memory bank) seemingly shaking loose the last bricks that held it together.

“Thus he spent his whole life searching for his own truth, but it remained hidden to him because he had learned at a very young age to hate himself. But in all these desperate efforts to open the doors that would have led to liberation, one of them remained abstinently shut, the most important one: the door to the emotional reality of his childhood.

― Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies ―

The muse was leading to deeper realms of the unconscious through music and knowledge. I now had access to the secret vault of childhood. Alice Millers work revealed the matrix of programming that held adult humans in the subconscious.

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NEXT CHAPTER: Bearer of Kundalini – Part 2