BEARER OF KUNDALINI: PART 3

The following narrative is the last 9 chapters of the book “unSpiritual: A Spiritual Journey “. It is being published here (link to next chapter at bottom) for those who would like to read, exclusively, Zzenn’s kundalini “Stairway to Heaven” narrative without the back story. Refer to the original volume for the whole story and all 19 Insight Keys.

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Chapter 26

BEARER OF KUNDALINI – PART 3

You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the Twilight Zone!
― Rod Serling: The Twighlight Zone ―

“Magical obsession is that state when the mind is illuminated by sub-conscious activity evoked voluntarily by formula at our own time.
― Austin Osman Spare ―

The Slide Fire ravaging Oak Creek Canyon near Sedona exploded Wednesday, growing tenfold as a treacherous combination of heavy winds, steep terrain and dense, dry timber fueled the blaze.
― azcentral.com ―

To assume the canyon fire had anything prophetically to do with the lyrics of Stairway to Heaven sounds crazy, but for me, it did. Of course not literally, subjectively. Because of my early affiliation with the song it became a life theme, a guide for my journey, and took on magical proportions which induced extraordinary experiences. I believe I deciphered the message of the song, worked the magic, and got the prize that was available to anyone who wanted it, or was meant to have it. I always felt organically connected to the western tradition of Magick and Zen.

The genius behind Led Zeppelin, Jimmy Page, was admittedly fascinated with the works of Aleister Crowley (an early 20th century occultist, mystic, and magician), he purchased his mansion and became a collector of rare esoteric books. It’s not hard to decipher that Page crafted Led Zeppelin on occult knowledge, but even deeper, to the keen observer, he physically had the dragon current of a sonic sorcerer in the Houses of the Holy. I could tell from how he moved, breathed, and played guitar on stage.

In an interview with new Guitar World magazine he states:

(Page) I was living it. That’s all there is to it. It was my life – that fusion of Magick and music.

(Guitar World) Your use of symbols was very advanced. The sigil [symbols of occult powers] on Led Zeppelin IV and the embroidery on your stage clothes from that time period are good examples on how you left your mark on popular culture. It’s something that major corporations are aggressively pursuing these days: using symbols as a form of branding.

(Page) You mean talismanic Magick? Yes, I knew what I was doing. There’s no point in saying about it, because the more you discuss it, the more eccentric you appear to be. But the facts is – as far as I was concerned – it was working, so I used it. But it’s really no different than people who wear ribbons around their wrists: it’s a talismanic approach to something. Well let me amend that: it’s not exactly the same thing, but it is in the same realm. I’ll leave this subject by saying the four musical elements of Led Zeppelin making a fifth is Magick into itself. That’s the alchemical process.18

Just like Jimmy Page, becoming fascinated with Crowley at the age of eleven, I too became fascinated with Page around that age. His later advice in an interview was intuitively taken to heart spawning a lifetime search:

“I don’t really want to go on about my personal beliefs or my involvement in magic. I’m not interested in turning anybody on to anybody that I’m turned on to. If people want to find things, they find them themselves.” 19

The song, Stairway to Heaven, in my opinion, is a song about the rising of Kundalini. The stairway represents the serpent energy rising up the spine to the crown chakra. The song starts off tenderly, wooing the listener into a child-like state of wonder. As the song slowly builds, the lyrics and sound weave together into a tapestry. As it intensifies, with a raw thunderous sound, it culminates into a full ecstatic release. I believe the lyrics can be deciphered by those who have the intuitive eyes and ears for the song. For me, it is a song of hope for the Aeon of the Child ― a gift for the sincere heart. I also believe that the force of the Led Zeppelin project was about conducting bio-spiritual (psycho-emotional) warfare in the deepest human levels. The state of affairs on the planet at that time were grim. I’ll expand on that subject in a later writing.

After the dolphin splashed back into my heart I felt a deep and abiding sense, as if large pieces of inner furniture were being moved. I got up and put signs on the doors of my room saying “In silence, please do not disturb.”

I had no idea what this meant, I just knew I was not to talk for an undisclosed time. Next, I started doing everything with my left hand. I went into my bathroom and brushed my teeth, washed my face and towel dried left handed. I walked into the kitchen and meandered through the house exploring this left handed way of being by picking up objects, opening the fridge and pouring water. It was as if my left hand became an entity in itself.

When I walked out to the patio to get some fresh air, the woman in black, who appeared atop the palm tree when I was a child, appeared to the right side of my head. I thought, “first the dolphin, then the dragon and now the woman in black.” She leaned toward my ear and said, “Tension is the doorway.” I then got the sense that she had always been there waiting for this moment ― for she was my guardian daemon. Both her, and her sister polarity Awen of the Druidic tradition (the voice of the Holy Spirit), were invoked through my music. Understanding both dark and light bio-archetypes were absolutely necessary for awakening the Kundalini force. A “less esoteric” way of saying this would be: A balanced approach to life, accepting everything within with care and understanding, allows psycho-emotion to flow throughout the body.

The 16th Key: Tension is the doorway.

Tension is the body’s way of moving psycho-emotional energy. Two hundred thousand years of evolution knows how to heal itself emotionally just like a cut on the finger. Allowing feeling-energy to move into the next place in the body (or change feeling-shape) much like an orgasm does (building tension and releasing), without suppressing, projecting or medicating, creates trust in the natural healing process. Trust the tension and breathe.

Next, I felt very strongly to cover the bathroom mirror. I grabbed a sheet from the hall cupboard and pinned it over the image creator. “Hmm, mirrors in the bathroom.” I pondered the effect of mirrors in every bathroom around the world. What sort of impact does the image of one’s face, reflected before and after sleep, have on consciousness? Are humans trapped within an image of themselves that is daily reinforced? I wondered about vampires and why they can’t look at their reflection and then speculated a conspiracy. Is it possible that the vampire archetype represents the human animal? Was it vilified because the human animal was suppressed?

I had wrote in the first book about the effects of identifying with internal images and why, because we can look through them, they are hard to see. I concluded that it is better to know oneself from the feeling-within than the reflection without. Maybe the story of Narcissus was more literal than we knew.

After an extended moment of indulgent pondering, I laid back in bed with my hands on my heart, waiting for the next thing.

For as long as I can remember, the song Stairway to Heaven took my breath away. I only played it on rare occasions because of what it did to my nervous system. I usually got goosebumps and inspiration so intense, it would bring me to tears. It had become a talisman of sound. I felt now was one of those rare occasions. So, I took a deep breath and hit play on my phone which was connected to a Bluetooth speaker by the bed.

As the song played through, feelings started flowing like a still pond slowly pouring into a stream. The movement felt sweet, organic and tender. The music winded on down the road triggering glitters of goosebumps within. But as the song intensified I started experiencing the feeling of being smothered; as if someone had a pillow over my face.  My body began churning as if trying to shake loose from the perpetrator. As the song reached its crescendo, I broke out crying and the imagery dissipated like mist in the wind. I lay there shocked.

I had to sit with this one. Had I recalled a memory of someone trying to kill me as a child? I knew, based on current neuroscience, that human memory had a way of distorting the details of past events. I also knew from experiences in Scientology and Focusing that the body never lies; it holds emotional charge in the cells via memory. I had experienced actual recall and the resulting release of energy. Even so, based on the two perspectives, I concluded that the body might distort the details but use imagery to release the charge. For example, a person may have been sexually abused by their father but because the pain is too great to confront, the Bio-Imagination (my replacement term for spirit or the energy of the body) creates imagery of a past life, or uncle Bob to release the trauma. In this example, the past life scenario and uncle Bob imagery would be further away from the presence of the internal father, making the psycho-emotional trauma easier to confront.

When memories such as this surface, accompanied by a profound emotional release, I’m compelled to search for evidence before I dismiss it as surrogate imagery. I had an uncle that visited our house on occasion who was mentally disturbed. On one occasion when I was around the age of eight, he picked me up off my feet by the neck pretending to strangle me. He thought this was good ole fun until my mother walked in the room and demanded he put me down. This memory is verified by my mother. So, in light of this evidence, it’s not a far cry from him sneaking into my room and trying to kill me.

Next, I closed myself in the bathroom, perched near the window and lit up a cigarette. Looking out my back yard, the grass and fence turned to cars driving by the high school across the street from the Harvard house. This was my first home prior to the age of five. It was located across the street from Glendale High School. My eyes were seeing from the basement of my subconscious and the muse (feeling) was taking me further back to the beginning.

After a while of reflection and contemplation, I returned to the bed and awaited for the next thing. Cautiously I turned to my phone and clicked play on Stairway to Heaven.

Once again the waters churned within and the tears started to flow. My body started to rumble like a tremor as memories shifted through muscle after muscle. As the song reached crescendo another memory plumed into clarity . . .

A satanic ritual.

I have very little evidence that this memory is actual but it did do the job of an emotional release. I lean on the side of imaginary but I have not excluded the possibility that it may have really happened. The only suggestive evidence I have is the following:

  1. My step father was a cryptic figure who was enamored with vampires, dark subjects and lived separately during the entire marriage.
  2. I remember drawing pictures of little girls with knives in them, bleeding, around that time.
  3. Los Angeles was one of the hotspots of Satanism. It is not true that the official church of Satanism endorses or promotes human sacrifice. The Satanic Panic of the 1970’s was sparked by a reaction from the Christian community in response to a number of reports from ex-Satanists exposing their devilish practices; most of which, were discovered to be fraudulent. However, this does not mean that some people who claim to be Satanists do not practice human sacrifice. I don’t exclude that possibility for the human animal. Even so, this is a rabbit hole I do not wish to explore in this writing. I am aware of mounting evidence worldwide for victims of ritual abuse. However, in this context, I think it is important to note the difference between the philosophy of Satanism and the misuse of it by the rogue practitioner or group. According to their own scriptures, sacrifice of any creature, human or animal, is not condoned by the church.
  4. Researchers at Stanford University and the University of Oregon have shown that a biological mechanism exists in the human brain to block unwanted memories. Stanford Report was posted on Jan. 8, 2004.

The memory unfolded into a scene where I was laying on a table in my step father’s apartment and people dressed in black robes were standing around me. I was around the age of three or four. A baby was cut up and placed on my belly. I felt totally overwhelmed by what was happening and turned toward a woman sitting to my left who was looking at me. She was dressed in black and comforting with her eyes. I looked at her in utter confusion and terror as she communicated telepathically, with calm knowing eyes, that this ritual was necessary for my nervous system and to trust her.

At the peak of this moment the song had reached its climax and my body went into full spasm. A torrent of goosebumps unleashed gushing through my nervous system as my head rattled violently back and forth. My body was rolling on the bed like a rope from head to toe as my eyes turned inward and tongue extended. An intensity in the center of my torso, from shoulder to lower back, squeezed and squeezed and squeezed, increasing intensity as the song raised its vibration, increasing, increasing, increasing … and then … and then … and then? … Bam!

I heard a pop or crack, kind of like the sound of a stick of wood being snapped in half at the sacrum. A gusher of energy rose upward along my spine toward my skull and expanded, much like a super nova appears; all the energy in my body exploded in what felt like ten feet in all directions. When the twin fluttering energies reached the base of my skull, a pulsing process began that would last for many days. It felt like gills were activated behind my jaw bones as the energy pulsed over the back of the head in two streams merging into the center of the forehead, just above and between the eyes.

Holy shit, I thought to myself, Holy Shit! Did this just happen? I knew enough about the Kundalini process to recognize what had occurred. Decades of inner work gave me the ability to log the progress from an observer’s perspective turning my inner dialog into something like a sports anchor watching and reporting the event.

I was instantly intoxicated as if I had just taken a large amount of potent magic mushrooms. After the realization of what had happened settled in, I got up from the bed to walk around the house and get a feel for things. It was like wading through water. I could feel my emotions as far as my hands could reach, thick magical power. I had felt it before in my hands and feet but never like this. I walked into the living room where Duncan was resting and immediately he said, “Oh shit,” (people either say “Oh my God” or “Oh Shit” as if the human butt and god were equivalent) as he could feel the powerful current filling the room. My body was limp like a rag with current pulsing within and without like a generator. Anyone who got near me went dead silent, and either walked away or reached for a drink or cigarette. The energy was so intense that the unconscious of those within range were touched with an unsettling feeling.

Something of epic proportions had happened and everyone in the house knew it. We all sat outside and shared some tobacco and coffee while easing into conversation. My head went into a rotating action with eyes rolling as the energy spiraled from the spine and neck into the brain pressing at the top of the head as if to bust through. It was the feeling of pure ecstasy, orgasmic, with an accompanied sense of being in the presence of fire, the kind that can and will burn or bless your soul ― Shakti.

After our morning meet-up concluded I meandered into the studio temple like a robot trying to figure out how its new software worked. For the next few hours I toggled lying down with roaming in and around the house. Then, a dangerous, apocalyptic sense came upon me as a childhood vision appeared of walking in a mall with huge windows and suddenly everything going black. Having studied Drunvulo’s Flower of Life paradigm, I knew planetary pole reversals were real. When I heard of his description of what happens during a pole shift, as told to him by the Hopi elders, I made a connection. He described magnetic reversal in a three day period where dimensions merged and all goes black. The word “ominous” is the exact feeling. I wondered if the Kundalini blew at the base of my spine because earth was beginning its pole reversal. I thought, “Maybe people all around the world are popping like corks.”

I walked back into the living room to get a reality check from Duncan. I did this often to keep things in perspective because he had been around this energy and had an extremely sharp intuition. He could feel it and I watched to see what his body language was communicating. What I concluded (and I haven’t been able to prove or disprove this yet) is that I was going through a biological/emotional magnetic reversal and it was being projected onto the external world. Everything within, my entire universe, was undergoing a full unconscious dump. I had been turned inside out, a reversal of inner and outer.

The ominous sense eventually gave way to massive psycho-emotional flows throughout my body, like a mix of rapids of water and Merkaba fields wobbling and spinning around me (a theoretical field of energy in the shape of two interlaced tetrahedrons around the body). But the most interesting thing was how the body started breathing differently to stabilize itself.

Emotion and breath merged into one feeling, rolling up to the head and down through the feet like waves crashing into the shore on both ends. From a scientific and Magickal perspective, it was absolutely phenomenal what was occurring. My entire body was a current of breath flowing up and down as the energy around it reorganized into a different shape or sense of self. It was like being on a toboggan sliding down a long windy slope not knowing where it would end. In fact, the scene in the movie The Matrix where Neo takes the red pill and goes spinning down the rabbit hole into Neverland may be the closest metaphor. There is no turning back!

I had enough for one day, so I opened a bottle of wine and settled in with Duncan for the afternoon. I needed to get grounded, do something extremely unSpiritual. Some people take psychiatric drugs to ease the feeling of insanity but I wanted to go through it as organically as possible to see what the human organism does. Using the focusing method, I had developed enough trust in the body-sense (sort of like getting the feel for a surf board) that I felt able enough to ride this out. It was literally “one breath at a time.” I knew my therapist was there if I needed him and with the dimensional windows of nature opened wide, wonderland was too beautiful to ignore. It was the definition of natural intoxication.

I had entered the world of the mystic. The dolphin was swimming in my heart and the dragon was guarding the house as if the gates of hell were about to open. My animal totems were real, I could perceive them in this dimension. I felt safe, for now.

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NEXT CHAPTER: Bearer of Kundalini – Part 4