The following narrative is the last 9 chapters of the book “unSpiritual: A Spiritual Journey “. It is being published here (link to next chapter at bottom) for those who would like to read, exclusively, Zzenn’s kundalini “Stairway to Heaven” narrative without the back story. Refer to the original volume for the whole story and all 19 Insight Keys.
The Entire Book – unSpiritual: A Spiritual Journey $16.95
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BEARER OF KUNDALINI – PART 4
I’ll walk with you into the darkness.
― Zzenn ―
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
― Psalm 23:4 ―
I woke up the following morning around 4:30 with the sounds of birds. This would be a constant theme throughout the experience. Another phenomenon that occurred was the absence of dreaming. When I went to sleep my eyes shut and opened in the morning with nothing in between. It was like an efficient form of time travel. Apparently, the subconscious had been flushed out and there was no content to dream with; or more accurately, it wasn’t necessary.
I got up and began meandering around the house like a child discovering everything for the first time. When I walked out to the patio, four robins were sitting on the fence staring at me. This was odd, I had lived here for many years and never seen these earthlings before (or never noticed them). When I walked over to the gate entrance, they flew up in the air, did a strange spiral formation within a few feet of my position, (almost brushing my left shoulder) and landed on the fence resuming their stare. I knew what I was feeling and I could only assume these tiny forms of consciousness were sensing something. I had heard stories of people in India who had strange experiences with nature via the Kundalini energy.
These four robins were apparently fascinated with my state of consciousness because they remained nearby through the whole ordeal. Quite often they walked right up to my feet as if I posed no threat. On one occasion, one of them flew directly toward me and landed on the table, stared directly, tilted its head and then turned around and flew in the opposite direction. One would think I was tossing out bird seed. The skeptic could suggest that I was making all this up in my Magickal perception of events but I was already proficient in critical thinking and there were witnesses. The birds came uncommonly close displaying odd behavior.
As the morning progressed I became quite agitated and scared. My breathing had increased in intensity (imagine a giant roller of breath rolling up and down from head to toe) and a sense of deep purging was taking place. A tremendous fear was rising from the bowels of the unconscious. I sat with my micro family or “elfin tribe” for a bit on the patio and then called a friend to come over to help calm my nerves. Mary had a light, fun energy about her so I thought having her near me for a bit would help ease the purge.
When Mary showed up I held her hand and broke into tears. I told her I was barely holding on through each breath. It was the epitome of being on the precipice of sheer insanity. This experience gave conscious breathing a whole new twist. I had no choice but to breathe consciously every second. It was just like being committed to a wave on a surfboard ― surfing Shakti.
Mary’s presence was extremely helpful. After she left I was able to rest for a while. But shortly after, a visitor from times past made itself known. In chapter 20 (Following the Muse – Part 1) I shared three dreams before visiting my childhood home. In the third dream, an ominous presence made itself known as if checking me for a future confrontation. Well, lucky I, the pure essence of human evil decided to have some one on one time … ugh!
So, there it was, looming on the far side of the room (projected from within); a crunched up brown wrinkly face emanating all the evil that has ever been committed on children throughout history. The pure embodiment of pain, suffering and horror. It felt dirty and potently sacred in some weird sublime way. I knew this day would come; I would have to pass the initiation or succumb to its power . . . whatever that meant. Speculating, not passing the initiation would mean insanity, suicide or possession.
I immediately got up, grabbed my hand gun and ammunition, and threw it in the trash bin outside. I wasn’t sure what I was dealing with and I preferred having dangerous objects out of the vicinity. I wasn’t taking any chances, hell, who knows, the damn thing could jump into Duncan and turn him into a crazed wild man with a firearm. I was really, really scared, but conscious enough to make responsible decisions. I never felt in danger of doing anything crazy, quite the opposite, I was lucidly deliberate. I knew, at that moment, that I had been groomed all these years for this experience.
As the face remained present, gifting me with an opportunity to practice my terror management skills, I called Robert and told him things were really getting intense and that I may need a session with him to get through the day. He felt that I was going to make it through this naturally and reminded me to focus on my breath ― to breathe consciously. Even though I was a full body breathing machine by now, the face magnified the fear to the breaking point.
I decided to head out on the land to deal with this thought-form in the presence of nature; for humans, like trees, have psycho-emotional roots in the earth. It was surreal, Sedona was filled with smoke from the canyon fire and the dragon was flying above me as if staying near enough to protect.
After the dolphin leaped from my heart prior to the release of Kundalini, the dragon, like a guardian, started appearing in the large tree in my neighbor’s yard (in the mystic state, archetypes of the unconscious take on realistic appearances in the external world) and then took to the air slowly rising in altitude over the hours and days. This hallucination worked and kept me feeling safe. I could see him flying above the smoke as if it was his doing in the canyon. The smell of burning forest enhanced the subjective power of the dragon’s energy.
My head was still rotating and I could barely drive but I made it to the trail head. When I started walking on the path the power of doom peaked in a moment of pure panic and delirium, pulsing the thought “you’re going to go crazy and die.” It was like the pain of this energy was so intense it only knew resolution through death. The pressure intensified with a mix of sheer insanity and lucid awareness. I continued to walk, one step, one breath at a time, as the feeling of fear intensified. Then, in a split second, at the peak of the terrible wave, and with a slow carving exhalation, the tension gave way. A moment of uncut insanity and “poof,” I just breathed and walked, breathed and walked; the more I consciously breathed and walked, the better I felt.
The thought “you’re going to go crazy and die” was the peak of the evil brown face’s expression, and ironically, this happened in the desert. I couldn’t help but think of stories of spiritual wanderers who were tempted in places like this by the forces of evil. It was like I was living some genetic-biospiritual program reserved for human primate’s crazy enough to accept the challenge.
I returned to the house relieved it was over. I still had a long way to go but I knew this phase had ended and it was downhill from here; but still at the top of a very large wave.
The next most important thing was to find a way to ground myself. My head had a blowtorch of energy blasting out the top and the current was morphing into a thicker feeling around me; again, much like the feeling of wading through water. If I started spinning (and I did a lot of that), it was like something out of a Harry Potter movie as spirals of energy emanated outward with every rotation. It was difficult to stop spinning once I started. This may be hard to believe for some but I assure the skeptic this is no exaggeration from a subjective position. It was like being on a merry-go-round at a park where the momentum had to be slowed down before spinning the other direction.
Then the thought came “mud.” Aha, yes, I will set a sprinkler in the yard and slush my feet into the muddy red soil to ground this serpentine energy. Since the Kundalini release I was unable to wear shoes and shave, so it seemed the logical next step. Having just wrote a book encouraging humans to be “proud to be primate” this primal vibe was very welcoming. In fact, I felt more handsome, crazy, but handsome.
Duncan joined me in the circle of mud and we discussed the trial by fire. After a while, the rest of the elfin tribe joined in and the current filled the circle with penetrating power. Everybody was breathing differently just by proximity. It was quite mind blowing to be fully conscious and aware while undergoing a full intoxication of the Shakti current. I now knew, experientially, what the guru’s in India were pointing to. This was the real deal, not for the New Age dabbler. Even so, it was a biological process that needed to come out of the spiritual closet; to be translated in a way that allowed humans to transform without the dependency on drugs and spiritual paths. It needed to be understood as a natural human metamorphosis rather than an exclusive spiritual experience.